How to “Let it Go”

How to "Let it Go"

Let’s talk about Letting Go. In my book 7 Steps to Manifesting Your Dream Life, this is step 4. In working with many clients over the years there are three spots in the process that people generally have resistance in. Letting Go is one of those spots.

I can’t tell you how many people say to me, “But HOW do I let go?” There’s usually more to this conversation but that’s really the crux of it.

Letting go can be a challenge for most people - so take heart as you are not alone in this challenge.

We as spiritual beings having a human experience and sometimes forget our connection to Spirit/God/The Universe. This isn’t on purpose but actually conditioned into us through our schooling, tv, religion and other societal influences.

We are taught we are no longer one with each other, we are taught we are separate and we are taught, a lot of times, we are not good enough. We must do or have this next great thing and we must have it now rather than being grateful and reflecting on all the wondrous blessings already within our awareness. We are actually taught to focus on the lack and absence of what we want.

In that teaching, we are also taught that if we can control our feelings, other people (this is called manipulation), situations, or the world at large we can finally be enough. This fear of not being enough - skinny enough, good enough, tall enough, rich enough, etc can lead to all kinds of damage to our personhood. So when someone asks me - how do I learn to let go - the answer is not as simple as the question.

We must first understand in a lot of cases, the not feeling enough is years in the making. We can’t really undo this in a snap of the fingers but we can share in some guidance and then you can take that guidance and do the work.

1st - Shifting our thought pattern on Letting go. Letting go is not just about “let go let God”. It’s about our free will. Free will is the human’s blessing and curse. It’s great because we get to decide our every outcome. We get to choose between Love or Fear in any given moment. The curse is we get to choose love or fear in every moment. It can be exhausting if you are not in flow with it or just learning how to do this and it’s not habit yet. It almost makes me jealous of the seed of a plant. A plant doesn’t really have free will. You plant it and if it gets all the things it needs it manifests into a tree or a flower and it just is. We as humans have free will as part of our soul contracts and that means we have agreed to come here and have this contrast of love or fear all the time as a learning mechanism for us. I know - you’re like - seriously? I choose this? Yep you did. Let’s first get ok with that.

You chose this… The fact that you chose this means you on a spiritual level want to learn in this way. Your spirit needed this course material of learning to let go. So if we can change our mind set from "I gotta let go” to “I get to learn to let go” - we can take our first step towards letting go.

2nd - Who is in charge? Once we own the fact that we chose to be here, we must also own the fact that we are in charge. We must give up the crutch of victimhood. You say you are not a victim of anything? Ok - so have you ever said, “OMG! He is driving me crazy!!” or a derivative thereof? Of course, this is a light one but when we say things like this - blaming external people, things, situations, etc for how we feel (note I am not saying you have control over what others do but you DO have control over how you FEEL and DO about it) about what’s going on in our lives - that is victimhood my friend. You are giving up your power and allowing someone or something to have power over you and your emotions about any situation.

The reason we do this, is so we FEEL we don’t have to take responsibility or accountability for anything in our lives. (This is an illusion by the way…)

However, if you are reading this blog post, hanging around with me at any point through facebook, youtube, instagram, my website, come to me for coaching or a reading - you know that YOU are the center here. You know if you want to manifest your dreams into your reality you MUST give up this notion of victimhood. It is fear based. I know it can be scary to decide to take back your power. I mean think about any company you’ve worked for. The success or failure of that company and everyone who works there depends on the CEO and their decisions. There is no room for victimhood in this role. I am sure we have all seen companies run by fear based, victim-minded CEOs who blame other for the results of their decisions and everyone I have seen has either resigned, got fired, or the company has at some point gone into bankruptcy.

Conversely, those companies run by CEOs that are love based. Those who truly want their employees to be happy, to deliver fabulous quality products and services to their clients and be a productive force in their communities just continue to thrive and are usually around for the long haul.

3rd. You need to realize and own that YOU are the CEO of your life. If you want that life to reflect all the things you say that you want, you must be willing to choose love over fear and even when you can’t - I mean we are all only human - to not blame or judge others to sooth your fear with more fear. As I shared in the Judgement episode of my radio show, trying to sooth fear with more fear through judging others is like an impulse purchase. It feels good in the moment but when that dissipates, you are left not only with the fear based feeling you started with but also feeling guilty over judging someone else for your own purposes and you’re still back where you started. But if you, rather, acknowledge that you made a fear based choice, consciously make the decision to be compassionate with self, forgiving self choosing love and then mindfully choosing the loving choice - THAT is when we start seeing movement in the right direction. Trust me, I know this is where the challenge comes in.

We want to have happy, abundant lives where we always choose love over fear but a few things here. We don’t live in a bubble - we interact with people everyday all day long. We have to choose how we communicate with people, what we will accept into our being form these folks, or maybe the tv or other influences. Staying on track can sometimes be a challenge.

First in school we are told if we don’t get straight A’s we won’t get a job - this is where we learn we can’t have faith we must have control - which starts that cycle of stress. In the workplace we are told we must get it all done and it better be right or we will lose our job and possibly our income. The cycle of needing to be in control is the only way to survive is heightened and more stress. As y’all know - the more stress we have the less centered we are and as author Maria Nemeth says - no one can create in a state of anxiety.

4th. Good CEOs know that they must listen to their hearts, commit to self-care, and choose loving decisions to move forward. Most people live in this constant state of anxiety though. In fact, nothing ticks me off more when I hear or read something that says, “[This many] percent of Americans are one paycheck away from poverty.” This reinforces the notion that you must be perfect, in control and work yourself to stress and worse because if you let go and allow you might lose your livelihood and end up living under a bridge. This is a fear tactic and it is not real.
I promise you - you are never one pay check away from poverty or anything.

What you are, however, is one thought away from poverty. THAT is the difference.

You are also one thought away from abundance. If you think you are one pay check away from poverty, it doesn’t matter if you make $12K a year or $120K a year, you will create situations for yourself where after you get paid each pay period you have no money left after paying bills. HOWEVER, if you say to yourself - I always have more than enough to cover my necessities, luxuries and some left over in the bank and all the balances on any loans I may have are always zero - you will start to see your debt decrease, your assets grow and it has nothing to do with one paycheck from anything.

With that in mind - when we let go of what we perceive is currently going on - which let’s face it are the manifestations of yesterday’s thoughts - and we start focusing on what we want our present to look like we have to take a leap of faith.

5th. Letting go involves that faith you walk around claiming to be so in tune with. I know a TON of people who claim - The Universe Has My Back. God is in control… However, they also wonder why their needs are not met. Why they aren’t getting what they want. Letting go means - let it go. Your job in this journey is to pick it out of the catalog and know why you picked it. Think of the Universe as Amazon. All the things are there for you. If you can think it - it’s there. However, it’s up to you to put it on a wish list, in your cart and let it sit, put it on automatic renewal, use prime for 2 day shipping or to just turn on 1-click purchases. Each of these have a vibration to them. The wish list says - someday maybe I can afford it but I can’t right now. (psst - poverty mindset) and the 1 click is all about - I am worthy of everything I desire. I am not saying go out and be financially frivolous to prove a point, as that is also a fear mindset - but from a mindful, loving place - where are you on this scale? That will tell you where your resistance is to the letting go.

Also, if you claim The Universe Has My Back yet you are trying to control outcomes or force things to happen faster - this is also resistance because in doing this you are not letting go - you are actually focusing on the lack of your desire by trying to force an outcome. And PSST - your words and your vibe are not matching up.

I get it - It’s a real pain in the nads, my friends.

Our thoughts become things. Be a witness to yourself in every moment and if you’re not seeing your intentions and desires manifest ask self - where am I resisting?

Get REALLY honest and if you need support get a coach. I would LOVE and be HONORED to be your non-judgmental witness to these intentions with you.

It’s time to really step into:

  • The Universe really DOES have my back
  • I am more than enough in all situations
  • I am able to let go and know all will work out for my highest good.

So you see - there is a lot more to “how do I let go?” than this small question.
If this is a challenge for you and you want to make sure you keep the loving commitments you have made to yourself to take those next right inspired actions - START HERE...


Michele Stans is a 4th generation intuitive medium, certified life coach, law of attraction teacher, author, student, and spiritual advisor.  

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